From You, 5 Years Ago

Again, it's been a while since my last post :3.
Long story short, I finally got my bachelor’s degree 😎 and I’m currently on the hunt for a job. If you think things went smoothly — well, you're wrong.

It’s been over a month, and I haven’t received a single offer. I’ve applied to tons of companies (not gonna lie, it’s a lot), and not even one has reached out with an opportunity. It kinda makes me feel like everything I’ve done so far was pointless. I’m not exactly a rookie — I know how to build things, I know how to make them better, and I know how to make them aesthetically pleasing.

So why? Why haven’t I gotten any offers? Is it because I lack experience? Maybe. I didn’t take any internships during college because I didn’t want to work for free.

Yes, I know how to get the job done — so why should I settle for not being paid? I won’t dive too deep into the shady practices of some companies, but I truly hope companies like that never grow. Exploiting students as free labor isn’t humane. At the very least, cover their basic needs like food and transport.

I can’t really blame the job market either. From their side, I get it — it’s tough to filter out genuinely capable candidates from the rest. Still, that "min. 2 years of experience" requirement is extremely frustrating for fresh grads with no internship experience like me.

Ok, enough idealism — back to my crisis :3.

Honestly, I’ve been feeling so down lately. I feel stuck. Life didn’t go as planned. My plans are a mess. My head is a mess. I don’t know what to do. I blame myself, my ideals, and my past. I keep questioning my worth — do I even have a role in this life? The urge to just disappear is real. Please, just let me be a cat 😔.

Then, a few days ago, I stumbled upon an old note in my phone titled “Remember This, Future Me!” It was written back in 2020. Damn... that note hit me hard. While I’m here doubting myself, my past self somehow knew exactly what I needed to hear.

It felt like he understood me better than I do right now. He knew my weaknesses. He knew what to do in times like this. He knew how to handle stress better than current me. He knew how to lead me toward the life I truly wanted. He’s better than me now.

I believe you're curious about what's written on that note :3. Well, here’s a bit of it:

 “If you can treat your biological body well, you will be okay.”

 Like — how did he know I'd mess up my health with bad habits? 😭

 “You’ll realize the value of something after you lose it, including life.”

 Bro... chill... okay, I get it, I’ll treat myself better 😭🙏🏻.

 “Feelings constantly change over time. Don’t be fooled by your current emotions.”
“You’re easily touched by stories — try reading or watching something if you want to ignite your spirit.” 

Got it. ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

There’s more in the note, but I think that’s enough to show how much he understood me — himself. And I believe the best way to thank that version of me is to start treating myself better. I really hope I can do it. Wish me luck!

So... should I write another “To You, 5 Years From Now” note? Let’s see :3.

Oh, btw, I’m currently working on a Japanese learning app. If anyone’s reading this and interested in being a tester, don’t be shy — hit me up on any platform I’m on. Also, I’m using Threads as my microblogging platform instead of X (the algorithm is toxic 🙏🏻).

Thanks for reading :3